I connected to this word several days ago through Larry's day with it. And the word coordinate connected me with this word fairly strongly since it seems to me that in a partnership, first you coordinate, then you cooperate.
Ordinate, operate. Seems very significant to me.
But let's pull out the actual, literal definition from the 1800's dictionary, shall we?
Cooperative:
Operating jointly to the same end.
Ugh! Okay, I'm going to openly display my dissatisfaction with myself in this CEO process! I don't know why... I'm not generally at a loss for words, but I can't seem to blog well about these words!
I even connected with this one, but I'm just getting frustrated and I feel self conscious because I'm blogging instead of just journaling and I know someone else is reading my thoughts. (Reading my thoughts lol!)
I want to offer something great in these blog posts but the more I try to be profound the less I am inspired to be so. Which is becoming irritating. Which I know is a less than best feeling and I shouldn't feel it.
I'm wondering... can we take a break for a couple of days to regroup and then get back on task? Or can we take more than one day with each word? Will we still get the best this challenge has to offer if we do that? I don't know.
I know it's up to me. I just want to do it the way it was intended to be done.
Well, I just pin pointed the problem. It IS the pressure. I'm too worried about what other people think of what my experience looks like from the viewpoint of being "Bronwen's blog reader".
Perhaps the answer is to take a day or two... I think I might. My attitude is not good and I find that I need time to deal with the meaty gook that I find wrong with myself as I go through this challenge. It's good. I need to learn my weaknesses so that I can become stronger. It's strengthening, as long as I take the time to deal with the "stuff".
I hope this isn't a bad example, but I need to take those days and repent and get ready to move forward before I just keep plowing ahead with a self pity attitude.
I love this program! The biggest issue that is coming up for me is that huge concern that others are looking at me and judging me harshly. I want everyone to think well of me. To think I'm smart, and inspired. But I KNOW that it doesn't matter. Perhaps I am inspired... but pride and worry... and that stupid desire for a pat on the back from mankind... those things aren't helping me progress!
See you in a day or two.
Love,
Bronwen
My sweet Bronwen,
ReplyDeleteI hope you will remember that the scriptures are replete with examples of men's weaknesses in order for us to learn how to overcome.
It is okay to share the process. You don't have to work so hard at being profound when you are just honest. Honesty is your best quality!! It is why people care about what you say at all.
I love you,
Mom
Okay, I am judging you. Actually, I am judging your judgment of thinking you're being judged. Your mom said it exactly right. Just be honest. I'm pretty sure that when I write about Carson, people are judging me for talking about how hard he is, but I've decided I don't care. I'm going to be honest and blog about my day and my feelings about my day. That way, I can look back later and see how far I've come.
ReplyDeleteI don't want this to be a miserable experience for you. What can I do to help? (By the way, Cara said you might be going to the zoo with us Tuesday. It was already a "yay" moment when I knew I'd be seeing Cara. But at the prospect of seeing you Tuesday....well, that was the "double yay" moment for me. Double Yay! Would that be a "yay, yay"? Nah. Oh, I mean, nay, nay. Teehee!)
I love reading your posts. You and your parents are giving me perspectives I never would have noticed on my own. We all have such a long way to go! I'm glad we're going together. :)
Yeeeeeaaaahhhh... ;) I'm actually stuck on the word "chosen" - oddly enough. And concise. I'm struggling with the idea that I know I'm chosen. I know we are ALL chosen for this day - this critical time in this war.
ReplyDeleteWe are all chosen, but so many of use have chosen to ignore that. Many, many of us have chosen to pretend "all is well" and we're good to go. I'm aware of this in myself and I have chosen to correct my behavior, but it's on my mind that I've been conditioned over my life to not even know what truly "righteous" looks like in the eyes of God.
I have chosen to study that out, but I know my behavior and beliefs are still off because of the conditioning of society. What is okay? What is NOT? I have chosen to find out and some of the most important people in my little world have chosen to ignore the truth and choose to label me "judgmental" instead of looking into it for themselves.
I get talked about badly behind my back for my good choices. Yet, if I joined people in choosing their bad choices with them I would be acceptable. Though I'm sure that I would lose all of their respect, thus destroying any chance of being able to help them down the road...
I am a chosen - and I am choosing good things that make my life tough. It's hard. But it's worth it.
And I just connected with the word. :) That's good.
Now, concise.
But I'll have to save that for later. Time to weed the literal garden in my yard.
And - oh yeah! I'm going to the Zoo too. I'm looking forward to it!!!
Can't wait to hear how the last few days went for you. I love to read your take on these words.
ReplyDeleteMom